welcome back

 Yep. It's been five years since I wrote a blog post. 

I'm sat on my sofa and the sun is setting. The sunlight is cracking through the leaves on the trees, creating patterns on the brick work. It's a bit too cold for July, I'm clutching my electric blanket to my lap. 

I've missed writing, I used to be quite good at it. The writing would flow out of me like squeezing puss from an infection. You could say I was infected - with something - hatred, fury, scar tissue. 

Really, I was scared and the only thing that made me feel safe was articulating those instincts into words and phrases. I guess in the five years that followed, that infection has slowly seeped out of me, but it's left me speechless.

Because how can you top that? When you spend so long articulating your pain, it can feel pointless to articulate your growth, or neutrality. Well, I want to start expressing my neutrality because that deserves just as much care as my pain. 

Trauma can be viewed as living with an underlying health condition. It can remain dormant for any period of time before being exacerbated by a trigger. That trigger can be a lifestyle change, a comment from a friend, a light brush from a stranger. 

You could say I am living with an underlying health condition, but I am finally high-functioning, and there are many more where I came from. 

So where can we go from here?